Phat Tuesday

Tuesday, February 12, 2013 at 10:25 pm (Writing by Ear)
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Just being phunny…in a hopelessly outdated “hep” kind of way. But it’s true this is the day for indulgence before austerity, which I am marking appropriately — potato chips, chocolate, mac & cheese, cookies, and now that I think about it, time for wine! I thought about making something rich and chocolately for two, given that Valentine’s Day is on Thursday and by then I won’t be eating sweets, but…laziness prevailed. Sorry, honey. (I guess we could still buy something and you could eat it in front of me — that would be good for my willpower/martyr complex. Come to think of it, I could still MAKE something and be an even bigger martyr…)

Brah la la how the life goes on…

Just like winter — on and on. I did notice some daffies popping up (miracle alert!), so that’s something to offset the fact that the expensive deck furniture cover we scored on clearance last year tore in the wind and then totally disintegrated, leaving everything exposed. Oh, and something’s wrong with the garage door, so now it won’t open. And after waiting months for the flooring contractor to work on the sunroom, he finally gave us an estimate that is totally out of line, so we’re now back to square one, looking for another estimate (did I mention it’s been MONTHS)? And we have stuff torn up in anticipation of getting some plaster repair done, but that can’t happen until some electrical gets rerouted. And that can’t happen because Mike is working 12- or 14-hour days and pretty much 6 days a week. And we decided to refinance our mortgage again, so there’s that extra expense every month with the goal that in just 10 short years, all of this (hands up, twirling) will be ours! (Supposedly the refi will save us $11K over those 10 years, but frankly, we can’t do the math, so I’m skeptical.) Sometimes with all the financial decisions and everything else you have to take care of day to day, the relentless tasks and obligations, I’m reduced to “Just tell us where to make our X.”

And so, Lent begins. Six long weeks on the journey to redemption. And spring. And maybe some new plaster.

Phat Tuesday

Saints are sinners who kept on going.
~ Robert Louis Stevenson

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Would you forget?

Thursday, January 24, 2013 at 8:37 pm (Writing by Ear)
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I heard part of an interesting story on NPR the other day featuring a (very funny) scientist who was studying memory. As she recounted her research — dealing particularly with painful memories — she used the example of her father, a Holocaust survivor. He refuses to talk about, or even acknowledge, his experiences, and she wonders if he has literally forgotten the memory. Or something like that. I, of course, was in the car, came into the story late, and missed the ending. Frustratingly, I can’t find it online to read or listen to it fully.

But still, it got me thinking. If I could forget a painful memory, would I? It made me think about what memories I have that I consider painful, and it made me feel fortunate that not a lot comes to mind. What I did think about was my mom’s death, still a raw wound, and would I choose to forget the pain of that if I could?

Somehow, I don’t think so, as I think to forget would somehow dishonor the experience and, by default, her.

But some other painful experience, perhaps less personal? Maybe. Something I saw that haunted me (in looking for the story I heard online, I skimmed this article that led with that idea); a memory of embarrassment; an annoying person or experience perhaps?

I don’t know. Maybe my reticence has something to do with the “that which does not kill us makes us stronger” philosphy. Or the idea of owning your life, warts and all.

But still. What about forgetting a memory of failure? Maybe if you can forget falling off the horse…or the wagon…or the relationship…you would lose the fear that holds you back and keeps you from trying again. Or does that simply mean you wouldn’t learn from your mistakes? Is memory a gift? Or a curse?

Maybe someday we’ll have that choice to make. To remember or to forget. I’m glad I don’t have to decide right now.

memory

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.
~ Emily Dickinson, “Time and Eternity”

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Namaste

Saturday, January 5, 2013 at 10:01 pm (Writing by Ear)
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I just got awful news, via Facebook, that my talented client and colleague, inspiring yoga instructor (back when I wasn’t a slug and practiced yoga), and an all-around beautiful person lost her battle with cancer today. A battle I didn’t even know had begun again.

I blogged about Melanie before here, after the first time I took one of her classes and learned of her journey in the time since I had last worked with her. Just a few months ago, I was happy to read this article about her and the new studio she opened in the Strip. A couple weeks ago, I tagged her in a post on Facebook that made me think of her — cute cookie cutters of gingerbread men in yoga poses. I was a little surprised when she didn’t respond, but chalked it up to holiday busy-ness. I thought, for the dozenth time, that I needed to get back into shape and go back to yoga (in that order — her classes were SO challenging, I couldn’t even think of taking one in the shape I’m in).

And now…now I’m shocked and sad that another beautiful soul has been lost to cancer; grateful that I got to know and be enriched by such a lovely woman; mournful for her family and friends; and more than a little scared — because as many times as you remind yourself that life is fragile and you never know what day might be someone’s (or your) last — it never really sinks in. Until it does. Again.

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Namaste, Melanie.
The light and love in you has reached out 
to greet the light and love in the universe.

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