I’m tired of writing

Maybe the 3 or 4 people who follow this blog have noticed I haven’t posted much lately. It’s not that I’ve lost interest in the blog…I’m still happy I started it and have kept it up these past few years. It’s that I’m tired of writing anything because I’ve been writing so much for work.

And no, it’s not like…OK it’s been 12 years and now I’m tired.

It’s more like…I’ve been working on a string of projects that require a lot of original writing (vs. editing/proofing) and I’m tired. My brain is tired of thinking. It’s tired of taking what other people know and putting it on paper. It’s tired of combining words into sentences that make sense and sentences into paragraphs that make sense and paragraphs into sections that make sense and sections that, together, make up a whole something that makes sense.

Does that make sense?

Basically, I’m tired of doing all the hardest parts of my job and would like to have a few projects that let me do the easy parts instead.

Can I just proofread something?

Can I give something a light edit without having to start from scratch?

Can I think up a few catchy ad headlines (without the copy that has to be witty and memorable and spur the reader to action in 2 sentences)?

Can I just read something for enjoyment and not because it’s “source” that I have to absorb and spit back in a coherent way?

Can I not look at the Excel spreadsheet where I track my income and think…”Is this all I have to show for this?”

Can I just stop whining, please?

Yeah, I get it. Nice problem to have. As Mike said to me, during one of my many “poor me” misery fests, “I’m sorry you have so much work.”

That’s bunk, of course. We both know it.

But I am tired. Mentally tired. And that’s not going to change until I can cross a few things off this list of 8 or so projects that are overwhelming me. And scaring me. And making me think, “Well, it’s taken 12 years, but now everyone will see what a dope I am.” (And now you’re chuckling because, well, you knew I was dope years ago…)

And….I miss yoga. Haven’t practiced in months and I’ll likely have to start off in the baby pool (so to speak) when I do finally get the time and gumption to go back.

And did I mention my house is a mess and the cat hair has taken over?

Anyway, sorry to be so whiny. But if anyone has any ideas for how to muster the enthusiasm to start two new projects tomorrow (one, a white paper that I tried to get out of a month ago by telling the client I was too busy and he actually waited and e-mailed me yesterday to ask if I could do it now. So how could I say no? and the other, three sales sheets to edit that a client I love recommended me for), I’m all ears.

For now, I’m going to force myself to go take a walk and try not to think about anything that has to do with work.

Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper
until drops of blood form on your forehead.
~ Gene Fowler

I miss my coworkers

After just about 12 years of working for myself, today I just really, really, really wished I could walk over to someone else’s desk, bitch about a client, and get an “amen sister” and a pat on the back. Just like the good ol’ days.

When I realized there was no one to walk over to, or really even to call or e-mail, I felt sad. Sure, I have a few colleague/buddies (and a husband) who would be happy to hear me out, talk me down from the ledge, and make me feel better. But today, it just didn’t feel the same as walking over to a desk (or pulling someone into the ladies room) to vent “in the moment” with someone “working for the man,”¬† the same man, as me.

That’s all I needed…just to vent. Ten minutes of laying out in detail just why this particular situation is so ridiculous. Something like this… So, 3 weeks later, I finally hear out of the blue¬† — surprise, surprise — the brochure outline I knew would be useless because outlines are always useless because people don’t understand them because, well, they’re only outlines and not fully written brochures, is, in fact, quite useless, so NOW why don’t I get started writing that brochure? Like I would have done 3 WEEKS AGO if not for this foolish outline exercise. So now I have to get my head around all this information AGAIN, and try to make it all make sense. Oh, and don’t make me lead 3 meetings with your client and then decide you don’t need me in the meeting where you go over the outline with them. Oh, and could you get a clue how to communicate because you made it sound like the outline was AWFUL, when in fact, you just wanted to add another topic and switch a couple things around? And, oh, by the way, I’m tired of being a grown-up and a hack for hire and would just like to make this recipe for Starbucks Pumpkin Scones that I have on my desk in front of me and never have to worry about getting paid for writing another word.

So there you have it. The 10-minute rant I would have shared with D or J or C or T or R or L or R or J or C or R or S or J or B or any of a half-dozen other wonderful fellow office-dwellers I’ve known and loved and commiserated with over the years before quietly going back to my desk and getting to work.

I miss my coworkers. My life-savers. My friends.

The world is so dreadfully managed,
one hardly knows to whom to complain.

~ Ronald Firbank

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