The gift that keeps on giving

I’m so excited. My bank may be giving me a present for Christmas (no wait, for “Holiday”)! They just e-mailed me!

In a few weeks, you’ll find something in your mailbox that’s sure to make your spirits bright…

Doesn’t that sound exciting! What could it be?

…— the opportunity to skip a loan payment,*…

It involves skipping?!! Skipping is a lot of fun! Oooooo, what next?

…which will put extra cash in your pockets at just the right time.

Extra CASH! In my POCKETS?!! (Not just ONE pocket, even, but multiple pockets!)

It just keeps getting better. Who doesn’t want to spread Holiday cheer instead of paying their bills on time?

Of course:

*Certain terms and conditions apply. See important offer details provided in the “You Deserve A Payment Holiday” offer you will receive via U.S. mail.

You don’t suppose interest continues to accrue in that month everyone’s skipping?

You don’t suppose they’ll just extend my payments for an extra month…?

What? Surely not.

Surely the bank’s motives are entirely based on spreading Holiday cheer and generosity.

Surely there’s no downside to this Holiday gift. (Stop calling me Shirley.)

After all, they love me. I’m a valued customer, see:

It’s our way of helping valued customers like you relax and enjoy life even more.

It’s a good thing, see:

So watch your mail because a good thing is coming your way — just another benefit of banking with [my bank].

I have the best bank ever.

Pleasure is spread through the earth
In stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find.
~ William Wordsworth

1 Comment

  1. facie said,

    Saturday, November 20, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Wow. You DO have the best bank ever, you valued customer, you!

    And don’t you just love getting mail telling you that something is coming?! I guess it is better than my getting a postcard on Saturday the 13th for a free breakfast at Wendy’s on the 11th.

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