Let’s hear it for the dads

Because we don’t have kids, Mike and I most often socialize with other nonparents, or with folks whose kids have grown. But yesterday I had the chance to see how the other half lives, hanging out at a party with people not too much younger than we are who happen to be the parents of young children.

What struck me most was how involved the dads are with their kids. All the fathers there were actively interacting with, coaching, playing with, disciplining, feeding, and otherwise “parenting” their child and watching out for all the kids there.

Contrast that to my own experiences with my dad growing up and a lifetime of observing dads older than yesterday’s group. The dads I grew up with were never that involved; child-rearing was pretty much the moms’ job. Dads were there to say, “Go ask your mother,” yell at you when you got out of line, and scare the bejesus out of you, so you didn’t get out of line. Harsh? Maybe, but that was pretty much how it was.

That’s not to say that if I talked to all the moms at yesterday’s party, they would agree their spouses are 50-50 on the childcare/parenting front. But to this casual observer, it was pretty darn impressive. And so nice to see.

I can’t say I observe similar parenting out in public day-to-day (from moms or dads). I’m sure a lot of what I saw yesterday had to do with the group I was with — clearly stellar individuals. But it made an impression on me.

Way to go dads! (And way to go moms…was he this way when you found him?) 

Fatherhood is pretending the present
you love most is soap-on-a-rope. 
                                   ~ Bill Cosby

How green is too green?

I was thinking about how to comment on this Post-Gazette article I read online this morning and Pitt Girl beat me to it. If you don’t know, Pitt Girl is an anonymous Pittsburgher who writes a VERY popular blog called The Burgh Blog. I read it for a laugh every now and then, though it’s not family fare; it’s often crude. But often really funny.

So, this wins my vote for TOO GREEN! (I would love to know the “x women out of 10” number that do not find this type of recycling repulsive. And, as one of Pitt Girl’s commenters wrote, can you imagine how her KIDS feel, with this publicity all over the paper?)

We are, however, trying to be more green. I compost my kitchen scraps — though have yet to yield any compost. I’ve been recycling paper (junk mail, the reams I generate in my office, magazines, newspaper) because giant paper recycling dumpsters have popped up everywhere, several that are convenient to me, and my sister put me onto them. I now keep seeing dumpsters (errr, drop-off containers) for shoes and clothes too. I wonder where these donations go? 

We also just purchased a rain barrel. Apparently these are one of the hottest products on the market — the decorative ones are astronomically expensive or already sold out. I’m told you can make your own for a few dollars, but we opted for a ready-made one (someone else’s DIY industriousness) from eBay.

And naturally, for the first time all year, we are not likely to get rain for the next 10 days. So much for saving water this summer. (Maybe we’ll actually get it installed before it rains again.)

I’m very intrigued by the idea of “gray water” systems that use relatively clean wastewater from showering, washing dishes, and laundry so that it can be reused to water the garden and such. Seems like a really worthwhile thing to look into if you build a new house, although I’m sure, like all these good ideas (solar, wind), actually doing it is prohibitively expensive.

Now, this brings to mind something I had totally forgotten. When I was little, I remember my mother actually saving the rinse water from the wash to reuse again to wash the next load. Not just from her wringer washer, but even after she got an automatic. I remember her bailing it out of the laundry tubs and back into the washer. I was appalled. Also appalled when she would rinse out the spaghetti sauce jar or the ketchup bottle or the soup can or whatever to get out every drop. Drove me crazy! Now I do the same thing (the jar rinsing, not the water bailing).

I tell ya, those Depression folks INVENTED reduce, reuse, recycle. (It was called being poor and not wasting anything.) I shudder to think how I (or any of us) would survive if we had to go back to those true DIY times. Kill a chicken, skin a rabbit, grow a garden from seed, “put up” fruits and vegetables, make soap — we likely wouldn’t survive. 

One of my favorite books I read over and over as a child was My Side of the Mountain, about a boy who goes off into the wilderness to live on his own. Between this book and endless readings of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Lois Lenski (Strawberry Girl), Caddie Woodlawn, and many others, I was convinced I could be a pioneer girl (or maybe “Aimish”) and in fact probably was one in a previous life.

Now look at me. Grossed out by a little homespun Kotex and Charmin. Pioneer stock my a… (No pun intended, until I realized it.)

Waste not, want not.

Get well soon.

A quick recap. Mom ended up back in the hospital unexpectedly due to a giant blood clot in her “bad” leg (the one recently broken). We are SO lucky it was found (purely by chance) — clots often cause fatal pulmonary embolisms (a piece of the clot breaks off, travels to the lungs, and kills you). She was never in any pain, has been resting comfortably in the hospital with her blood-thinning cocktail, and should come home soon.

This post is really about what it took to get her to this point. When her clot was discovered during an exam at the hospital for another issue, the technicians and docs knew she had to be admitted immediately. We were already at the hospital, so this should have been easy, right? Right.

  • First, knowing what we were in for at “big-city hospital,” my sister and I wanted to take her ourselves to our local hospital — part of the same hospital system as “big-city hospital,” but closer to home, quieter, and less crazed. But no, the doc nixed that idea, saying it would be much faster and better to admit her immediately through the emergency department (ED) so she could get immediate blood thinners. Time was of the essence. We shouldn’t fool around with moving her. (And we were clearly insane for even thinking of that.)
  • Anyhoo…45 minutes later…they finally managed to get someone there with a wheelchair to take her up one floor to the ED (we were just about to get one ourselves and take her).
  • The ED was a zoo — a Friday morning and it looked like the set of ER during one of their many disaster-du-jour episodes. Long story short — my mom laid on a gurney in the hall for 5-1/2 hours. It was 2 hours before she got the oh-so-essential blood thinner shot. Two hours! We could have been to our local hospital in 15 minutes and she could have been in a ROOM within 2 hours. She ate her box lunch on the gurney in the hall, with chaos all around.
  • Once she got into a room, it took 2 more hours for her “orders” to make it up the 9 floors from the ED to her floor, via computer. We could have carried the orders up in the elevator in 5 minutes. So, this meant she was not allowed any food or drink until the floor nurse knew what was what. By then, the cafeteria was closed, so she had another box lunch for dinner.
  • Throughout the course of our 9 or so hours before she made it into her room, we answered the same questions about her medical history, prescriptions, and recent health situation at least 4 times to 4 different people. And then we did it all again for the floor nurse, after the “orders” finally came. The same information 5 times! How is this even effective or possible in today’s “modern” health care system? Whatever happened to having one chart that stays with the patient with all the info on it? It was mystifying to me and still is. (Not to mention she had been to this hospital just a few months ago for the original surgery on her ankle, and last year for another surgery. They freakin’ should know her medical history — they created a lot of it!)

I write this knowing that I live in Pittsburgh — one of the top cities for medical care in the country. As a friend pointed out, imagine if we lived in one of those other cities?! Imagine indeed.

I know her wait for a room was not because there were no beds available — clearly the hospital is full of empty beds. The problem is having no one to staff those beds and oversee her care. I get it; there’s a nursing shortage and hospitals are understaffed. (Maybe they would have more time if they didn’t have to take the same information from every patient 5 times.)

Unfortunately, I don’t have any answers, only many questions. We pay exorbitant costs for health care. We have technology and resources that are the envy of the world. We have dedicated professionals. We just can’t seem to bring them all together to work efficiently. 

Still, the system does its job for the most part — it saves lives. Maybe the rest just doesn’t matter? Hard to accept that thinking, but at this point, it’s all I have.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club.
You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.
                                                                   ~ Erma Bombeck

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