Socks? Really?

I know, I know. Much has been written about the use, overuse, and abuse of cell phones in public places. Who among us hasn’t been privy to long, detailed, loud, one-sided conversations that we really wish we didn’t have to hear?

This evening’s was a doozy, as I heard a woman describe every pair of women’s athletic socks in Marshall’s to someone who, unbelievably, was willing to listen (and apparently even interested) on the other end of the phone.

“Well, they have a 3-pack — 1 pair gray, 1 black, 1 white. Oh, and you know that kind we have that has the band around the top of the sock? Well they have some here where the band wraps all around the sock.

“But I have to talk fast, my phone is going to die.

“Oh, I’ve never seen these before — Puma — with a pink stripe, a blue stripe, or a yellow stripe. And, you know, she likes the thin kind. But these are a little thicker.

“Oh, look at these! These I can’t even describe. And I can’t take a picture because my phone would die. My phone is about to die.”

This went on for at least 10 minutes. And I could hear every word from four aisles away.

“They have these Nikes that are short, but doesn’t she like the higher ones? Well, here’s some Adidas…”

On and on and on.

Now, to be fair, I have been known to spend quite a long time perusing the socks myself, searching for just the right kind. But, so help me God, I’ve never subjected anyone else to my personal (obsessive) quest.

And the kicker — when she finally left the sock aisle, still talking away on the blasted cell phone that wouldn’t die…

“You know, I really hate shopping. I just shouldn’t shop.”

…there wasn’t one pair of socks in her hand. Not pink-striped or blue-striped or yellow- striped. Not gray or black or white. Not thick, thin, or banded. Not low or high.

No socks.

And none for me either. I’m off socks for a while.

Unless, unless, unless…maybe you have a handle on the perfect pair of extra-thick cushioned-sole ankle-high moisture-wicking (stripes optional) beauties for a bargain price? If so, call me!

If you reveal your secrets to the wind,
you should not blame the wind for
revealing them to the trees.
~ Kahlil Gibran


  1. mel said,

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 10:43 am

    in this sick, bored, self-obsessed society, NO morsel of information is unworthy of sharing.

    how do you define value and quality in a valueless world? nothing has value, and we have no values.

    waxing depressingly philosophical this cold, wet morn…

  2. WritingbyEar said,

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 11:34 am

    I am so self-conscious the rare times I talk on a cell phone in public — I’m sure I’m talking as loudly as everyone else does — and about something just as mundane (which screws am I supposed to buy?) It’s such a weird, annoying fact of modern life.

  3. Rege said,

    Monday, June 15, 2009 at 7:18 am

    Just think if you spent half a day researching this phenom at the local Wal-Mart. You probably could get a similar conversation in every aisle. Could be amusing.

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